Has anyone else find themselves in this situation?
Know yourself before you form a relationship | Forum
deli326
May 6 '16
I met my husband when I was 18. At 20 I went from my parents home right into marriage. I never got to live alone and find myself. I gave my all to my husband and my children. Now I find myself widowed and all alone. At first I felt that my answer was dating and going directly into a relationship to cure my loneliness. I realize now that I have a hard journey to travel. I have to get to know myself and find out who I am before I could begin a relationship.
gagandeep155
May 6 '16
Well god gives us different types of struggles. As he has made us different so are our affairs. you can say karma. Previous life, present deeds. You do a lot good to others but sometimes you still don't get return. This is strange. I my self am struggling with relations. I am happily married but in other relations its tough. My grand father has disowned me and my mother. That too in the absence of my father who met with a tragic end. I find that for all this my grand father is responsible but again sometimes i think why being judgmental. Strange are the ways of the almighty. My aunt has equally been unkind to me. Now i have learnt to live with these dilemmas though not fully. I suffered vertigo because of them. This has affected my career also but despite of everything i don't want to complain to God(although i do sometimes). I started running and walking which has helped me to deal with it. I just jumped in and excuse me for that but i couldn't resist sharing my situation.
Moderator billyHill
May 6 '16
Deli, I'd be a lying fool to claim myself as in your situation. However the situation(s) I have been in have taught me one thing. The acronym is TIME.
TIME=
Things
I
Must
Earn
there are 2 sides to every coin and both of them need to be looked at, thought about then decided upon, unless you are playing heads or tails
. Then it is just luck of the toss.
With real life there may be a lot more than just 2 options, so there may be a lot of thinking, weighing pros and cons, and logical "If I do this then that might happen, or this means that won't happen" sort of thinking.
For me I had to have a mentor telling me that he thought some of the decisions I was making were downright "Stupid", because they impeded my growth as a person instead of allowing me to grow and learn.
I am fortunate that I have mentors in life. I really would strongly suggest at least one human (preferably a woman in your case) that you know and can trust so you can bounce your ideas off of her. People that are removed from situations tend to be able to think more clearly than those of us who have emotions involved in the issues. also worth noting, a mentor does not have to mean elder, religious leader, professional, or a degree holding person. In fact the first requirements need to be they know you well, and you trust them. Next consideration is that they would have no reason to steer you in the wrong direction. In other words no opinions of "who you should be" versus "who you are" ( in other words family members tend to be a real bad choice because they want you to be a certain role, not the person you are. Even though that role may be part of who you are).
wow, I'm rambling..... sorry about that.
TIME=
Things
I
Must
Earn
there are 2 sides to every coin and both of them need to be looked at, thought about then decided upon, unless you are playing heads or tails
. Then it is just luck of the toss. With real life there may be a lot more than just 2 options, so there may be a lot of thinking, weighing pros and cons, and logical "If I do this then that might happen, or this means that won't happen" sort of thinking.
For me I had to have a mentor telling me that he thought some of the decisions I was making were downright "Stupid", because they impeded my growth as a person instead of allowing me to grow and learn.
I am fortunate that I have mentors in life. I really would strongly suggest at least one human (preferably a woman in your case) that you know and can trust so you can bounce your ideas off of her. People that are removed from situations tend to be able to think more clearly than those of us who have emotions involved in the issues. also worth noting, a mentor does not have to mean elder, religious leader, professional, or a degree holding person. In fact the first requirements need to be they know you well, and you trust them. Next consideration is that they would have no reason to steer you in the wrong direction. In other words no opinions of "who you should be" versus "who you are" ( in other words family members tend to be a real bad choice because they want you to be a certain role, not the person you are. Even though that role may be part of who you are).
wow, I'm rambling..... sorry about that.
