GETTING PAST THE PAIN | Forum
greener12
Apr 21 '15
As one who has been through a divorce, and currently involved in a lengthly separation, all I can really say is that it takes time. For periods of time during a day, or week, I can forget about things, but then something triggers a memory, maybe its the words of a song I think of, or some place we visited together. I try to stay busy, and long walks seem to help somewhat, but the loneliness remains. How do others cope?
Moderator billyHill
Apr 21 '15
I think you about summed it up, greener. For me, I find things to do, even if they are not work, like volunteering, getting involved in other civic activities.... Riding my motorcycle always frees me of just about every concern I have in the world. It is like a magic pill 
I don't think the long walks would be for me, as that would give me a chance to get inside my own mind, and that can be a terrible place to be. Of course, everyone is different, so whatever works for you is good for you.
Time =
Things
I
Must
Earn
those are the only truths I know about something like that.
I don't think the long walks would be for me, as that would give me a chance to get inside my own mind, and that can be a terrible place to be. Of course, everyone is different, so whatever works for you is good for you.
Time =
Things
I
Must
Earn
those are the only truths I know about something like that.
greener12
Apr 22 '15
Thank you both for your replies. billyHill, I agree with you, so important to find things to do, and jnc8348 you are so right when you say that God must be the head of a family, that foundation is so important. Again, thanks much to both of you.
greener12
Apr 22 '15
Yeah, nights are rough Gina, but I appreciate all you have said.
The Forum post is edited by greener12 Apr 22 '15
bel3ms
Jul 9 '15
All the suggestions are very good. For me its also a mental decision. After going through a lengthy (as in over a decade of waiting) I just told myself one night. On so and so day it will be the end.
And I realized that as I buried myself in work, activities and focused on the people who have stayed with me and held my hand. The day arrived when he called I said "we had a good run good bye" and placed the phone down. Now some people would say its harsh to break up with someone on the phone but for me that was that after years of waiting and discussion ... he knew what was coming.
On hindsight, I also realized with so much shared memories he was probably just being polite and it was up to me to end it. So I did and then a full two years later Michael shows up on DnM .... and that's when a better story started.
Kasee11
Aug 11 '15
Getting past the pain 0f an ended relationship will be somewhat different for each person. The pain is grief..over the end of the dreams, the hopes, the life once had..so many endings. The endings are like little deaths yet we are still living. Of all of the stages in dealing with grief that I have personally found to be the hardest is the anger because it returns and often without warning and even after I truly believe I have dealt with it. It is a pretty stubborn emotion lol. Time does seem to help with it because when it comes now, I say to myself, "Alright, yes you are angry and what do you think being angry is going to do for you?" Then I let it go because it is negative energy and I know that is not my path. I do not talk much about it to friends but some do. I may tear..but some don't. I may do something to busy my mind, others take a nap. Coping is a highly individual trait and I truly hope you find your path to what will work for you. Good energy to you
aldi
Aug 12 '15
I appreciate what you all say and a lot of the info and thoughts are probably very helpful, but lets not forget that we are only here ONCE and as cold as it may sound, surely its better to pick up the pieces and get on with life as quickly as possible. We have arrived at a point in time where all values have changed and with each new generation, it tends to become worse. However hard we try to educate our children in moral things, they have a different outlook on life and we should not force our views on them. Things like marriage and divorce dont mean what they used to for us. It is so.
I have two wonderful children from two marriages and have managed to regulate thing without causing too much upheaval in their lives.........this they appreciate and are happy for me to get on with MY LIFE as well............HAV A GOOD LIFE.....ALL OF YOU
I have two wonderful children from two marriages and have managed to regulate thing without causing too much upheaval in their lives.........this they appreciate and are happy for me to get on with MY LIFE as well............HAV A GOOD LIFE.....ALL OF YOU
aldi
Aug 13 '15
Sorry to hear about the scamming thing...............there are some bad people around, even on the best sites.........regards aldi
susim
Nov 2 '15
Ich wurde über facebook von der Afrika-Betrugs-Connection betrogen.Der Anfang des Chats war wundervoll und trotz Skepsis glaubte ich ihm.Ich verliebte mich in seine Fotos verbunden mit seinen wundervollen Worten! Irgendwann wurde ich dann doch mißtrauisch, das war doch alles zu schön um wahr zu sein, Ich war doch zu intelligent und nicht naiv genug und googelte sein Profilbild. Und siehe da es war im Internet unter mehreren Namen auf verschiedenen Plattformen gemeldet. Jetzt startete ich meine Recherchen!!!! Als dann mein facebook -Lover Geld wollte ließ ich die Bombe platzen! Und ich wurde sofort gelöscht und blockiert! Ich schrieb den nächsten mit dem gleichen Profilbild an, wieder die gleiche Geschichte!Und wieder eine Lover-Plattform, und immer weiter! Einmal hatte ich die Hoffnung ihn wirklich gefunden zu haben! Habe aber noch keine Antwort!Es hat mein Leben komplett verändert, ich weiß nicht ob ich ihn einfach nur kennen lernen möchte um ab zu schliessen oder ihm einfach nur mitteilen will , dass seine Fotos mißbraucht werden!
Moderator spectrumAU
Nov 2 '15
Susi this is an English speaking site, please post in English. Most of us can't read what you have written. But I gather it has nothing to do with the topic of this thread which is about divorce.
If you want to report a scammer please go to romancescam.com and report it there.
Tabbie37
May 27 '16
Will the hurt and pain ever go away??? I'm still hurting. I have good and bad days, but the pain and loneliness is still there. Someday I feel like I am going to go Crazy!!
Moderator spectrumAU
May 27 '16
Yes, most definitely it eases but it does take time. You have to realise and accept that you did nothing wrong. There is no point in beating yourself up over it. Learn from your mistake and be more aware next time. And yes, there will be a next time and you will be more careful to ensure you know who it is you have contact with.
Thomas
Oct 2 '16
I have pictures of my ex and remember the good times. It helps that the breakup only happened because neither of us would or could live in the other one's country.
dave88
Feb 23 '17
It can be extremely hurtful especially the other person has made a pact that he/she will go through thick and thin with you despite any obstacles. Both are very compatible and share many common aspects with each other. But before you can proceed to the next step, the person wants to call off due to some trivial reasons. So, what can be concluded is the other party just either doesn't love you as much as you love him/her or (based on my own experience), the person just couldn't take further stress that lies ahead of him/her. It definitely can cast a shadow on us, but the best thing which I can do now is to take this as a lesson or probably can also be called as learning experience. Every person or the people that we come across more or less will lead to some life lessons at the end of the day. For the good ones, we are benefited, as for the wrong ones, we, too, get to learn something from them. In a way, we should also thank them for we will not make similar mistake in the future again. We grow wiser because of them. We certainly know it is never easy but as long as you believe it, you will find happiness.
Flysugar1000
Oct 28 '17
I realize I've joined the conversation late, but hurt doesn't have a timeline. I wasn't married although it sure felt like we were. I'm 14 years older than my ex and we're also culturally different, he's Ukrainian, but we made it work for 6yrs. It was the most amazing relationship I've ever had in terms of embracing things I never realized I really wanted to experience. Affection, honesty, passion... He held my hand often. I'm Jamaican and am so not used to that and so I was completely blown over. Then he cheated, like so many others before. The feelings of betrayal and abandonment were and are still so intense, I was devastated. This happened in March this year but I'm actually able to talk about him and not breakdown. I've forgiven him now, not sure this is what is helping me to heal. I do know that I'm not giving up on loving again. We humans are so resilient.
Moderator billyHill
Oct 29 '17
flysugar, for our purposes here its better to think of it as adding to the topic as opposed to getting here late. It is always better to have information posted here. 
The topics wouldn't be here or they would be locked if it was too late.
The topics wouldn't be here or they would be locked if it was too late. 
MaxGonzalesB
Sep 13 '18
Hello everyone, my girlfriend recently broke up with me (about 1 month ago)... the reason is I moved to another city for work, been here for 2 years an a half. All this time we kept the relationship the better qe could till one day she just ended it all.
I feel like crap, trying to figure out what was my mistake, I didn´t want to marry yet ´cause i´m not economically stable to settle a home right now, been faithfull to her all this time.
People and friends tell me it´s not my fault but still feel bad abut it, even thought about taking my life...
Sorry if my grammar or composing isn´t right, haven´t write in english for a while... kind regards to you all
autologous11
May 4 '19
“Getting past the pain”?
In my previous relationship, i really focused on moving on. I tried to avoid on anything as much as possible that will remind me of him. Keep my self busy, every day. Go out with friends find a replacement. It hurts once in a while but I told my self, he’s not worth it and any thoughts that helps me feel better. Until I can fully recover.
In my previous relationship, i really focused on moving on. I tried to avoid on anything as much as possible that will remind me of him. Keep my self busy, every day. Go out with friends find a replacement. It hurts once in a while but I told my self, he’s not worth it and any thoughts that helps me feel better. Until I can fully recover.
The Forum post is edited by autologous11 May 4 '19
