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How to end a relationship...with style | Forum

Topic location: Forum home » General » Love hurts
SiteBot
SiteBot Feb 8 '15
Posted originally by : Abbynormal

Came across this interesting article this morning which is worth sharing. I'm sure many of us are aware of these pointers but do we practice them?

From my personal experience during my younger days, I remember receiving an SMS ending a relationship. Mad How I loathed his coward ways until today! It's because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end, I truly agree and recommend "to meet in person" should you wish to end a relationship.

However, in the case of online relationship where you have not physically met, I guess it is acceptable to do the next best thing i.e. through webcam.

How to End a Relationship in Style
Ending a relationship is never going to be pain-free, but here are some very practical ways to lessen the pain:

Step 1: Tell your partner you need to talk to them. Don't let them think that you are planning a nice intimate afternoon, only for them to be hit by a bombshell. ("Fancy going to the café?"!) Do this as close to the actual date and time as possible. It's unfair to leave them stewing for longer than necessary.
Always end the relationship in person. Phone calls, texts, emails, or getting other people to tell them are unkind and cowardly ways of breaking up, unless you fear violence from your partner.

Step 2: Make sure you will not be disturbed by interruptions by arranging to break the news in private. If they do become emotional, it can be embarrassing to have any strangers around, even if it's in a quiet park. (I for one don't want to hear someone else breaking up again.)
Choose a neutral place rather than somewhere you share; perhaps a friend's apartment when they are out. Avoid breaking up with them in a place that has past romantic associations for the two of you.

Step 3: Avoid ending the relationship during a row or when highly emotional. This just sends the signal that it was said "in the heat of the moment" and perhaps you didn't mean it.
By ending the relationship calmly and clearly, you convey you're serious, that it's definitely over.

Step 4: Don't be swayed by their emotional response. If they become upset it may be tempting to try to comfort them or even tell them that you didn't mean it just to stop them from hurting. Don't send mixed messages. This will make it more painful in the long-term.

Step 5: Avoid blaming your partner or criticizing them. Talk about the relationship as if it is an object outside of you both. "It has stopped working" is better than "you have stopped bothering with me" or "you never say anything nice!" Keep language as non-emotional as possible. Keep the word "you" out of it as much as possible. Express regret that things didn't work out. And remember, if things are wrong for you, then they too could actually have a better relationship if released from this one.

Step 6: Avoid clichés. No one wants to hear: "It's not you, it's me!" or "You're really nice, but..." or "We can still be friends" (you may be, but now is not the time to discuss that). Nor does anyone want platitudes like: "You're bound to meet someone really special who is more right for you than I am..." Just stick to the facts of the matter.

Step 7: Now the above steps are all good and well, but if you are so overwhelmed with anxiety when actually ending the relationship that sensible advice flies out the window, then something else needs to happen. You need to prepare your emotions, to be calm and clear. Being too emotional "swamps" the thinking brain, making it harder to talk and think clearly.

If you were going to do a play, you wouldn't expect not to rehearse! Likewise, the more you rehearse in your mind, whilst very relaxed, telling your partner it's over, the easier it's going to be to find yourself naturally feeling calm when you actually do it.

gustavog2
gustavog2 Nov 12 '16
nice tips

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