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Starting over | Forum

Topic location: Forum home » General » Love hurts
SiteBot
SiteBot Feb 8 '15
Many of us have had a failed relationship, loss or divorce.  It hurts, sometimes for a long time, but eventually we have to get on with life and start again.  Does anyone have any tips for making this journey any easier?  Where do you start?
spectrumAU Moderator
spectrumAU Feb 13 '15
 **sigh**
coloradosweetheart
coloradosweetheart Feb 14 '15
There were a couple of things that I took away from this Divorce Recovery Workshop I attended back in 2005:


1.  Don't even THINK about dating for the first two years.  (Yes, I know that may be impossible for some, going against the notion of "getting right back on that horse.")  One needs the time to mourn the relationship, get to know oneself better, and figure out what one really wants out of life.  One can "lose oneself" in a relationship, so a good "time out" should help with making discoveries about oneself that maybe they never knew.


2.  Live your life as though you will be alone for the rest of it.  A couple of lines in a poem of unknown origin drives this point home:  "So, plant your own garden and decorate your soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."  The busier one is with their own life, the less lonely they feel.


Just my two cents...for what they're worth.

looking4friends
looking4friends Feb 15 '15

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFJKf5KFQUk   Thanks Abby for the song!  It is so apt.


Sometimes it seems that fate/chance put us together then changed her/his mind and says - Game Over - start again?  For all the emotions felt and shared, it is not easy to overturn all those feelings of love, hope and faith, looking to starting over with someone you love - to see everything in shreds, the way your heart is left behind.  Sometimes commitment is not strong or stable enough.


Nothing to do but move on and forward.  It is a hard lesson learned and we are the wiser for it.  Walk away with your head up high - you did your best and it is their loss.


Thanks Crystal for your input.  I do remember from your profile in the old site - the 2nd mouse gets the cheese?   

Number1
Number1 Feb 16 '15
Good advice!! I've been divorced for 4 years now and have yet to go on a date.. partly because of my career.
Wrangler1954
Wrangler1954 Feb 20 '15
You ladies are wise. 
This has been my post breakup song for many years.  I hope I never have to use it again but it's a good old song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcdPPd9nEwQ
billyHill Moderator
billyHill Feb 21 '15
You've got a multitude of "lot lizards" to choose from, don't you #1? 
Number1
Number1 Feb 21 '15
Thanks for the offer Gina. Not in this lifetime Billy. I really don't want parts that I'm rather fond of to start falling off!!! 
AmeliaCastillo
AmeliaCastillo Mar 25 '15
There's a very thin line between love and hate! We break up for a reason, usually not very "lovely" ones but it also signals that we just woke up and realize that the relationship is in a rut. That there's no way we can mend it and the best option is out. If when we first met and fell in love we only see the good qualities in him, this time what I did to ease the pain and be able to move on is to magnify (in my mind) his negative qualities and convince myself that breaking up is the best thing to do. That way I won't have self pity and regrets. I'm even inspired to check myself and improve my looks to gather enough self confidence. I won't let anybody see a trace of being broken-hearted. Sometimes it's the memories we miss and not the person!
wind090
wind090 Apr 13 '15

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