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 dominique
You deserve to be Loved, Cherished and A
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Age: 45
Looking for: Friendship
Country: United States
State, City: Lynchburg, Virginia
Posts: 47
Status: Offline
Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 2:17 am
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| Opposite Sex Best Friends |
If your best friend is a member of the opposite sex, in fact an ex-lover, and your current partner is uncomfortable with your closeness and the amount of time you spent with that person; what would you do?
Would you limit contact with your best friend?
Would you end the closeness of your friendship?
Or would you continue things with your best friend as they were and ask your partner to accept the situation as is?
Do you think the person's discomfort is out of insecurity or jealousy or do you believe there is genuine cause for concern because of the past history between the "best friends"?
_________________
Being single doesn't mean that you know nothing about love... Sometimes being solo is wiser than being in a false relationship...
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Janet
Bond Girl forever! :)
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Age: 40
Looking for: Marriage
Country: Mexico
State, City: Distrito Federal
Posts: 121
Status: Offline
Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 5:44 pm
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 Many good questions.... many difficult situations. 
But in my case... only in my case, and maybe that is one of the reasons because I am still alone, I defend my independence all the time. And I think that everybody has a special and different place in our lives.
Yes, my best friend is a man, Martin is not an ex lover, and I have most male friends than female friends, I don't know why but for me is much more easy to make male than female friends.
I do like to spend time with Martin and also with Gloria his woman, she is a good friend too and she knows that I would never do anything to hurt her, or get Martin away from her, she trust me totally.
My partner has to accept that I have male friends, and they were with me before him, if he can't accept it, it is his problem, he can find another woman willing to change his life for him.
I have not to ask him for accept to anybody, I don't like to force anything, if he decides to be with me, it is because he accepts the fact that I have male friends and my best friend is a man with an important place in my life.
My partner has not to be with me everytime that I meet my best friend, my man has not to be friend of my friends if he doesn't want.
I don't know if that discomfort is about insecurity, jealousy or anything else, everybody is different, I would need to ask the reason to the person, but those feelings are not mine, I only would clear to my partner that I decided to share my life with him, because the love, but he will need to work about his feelings by his own, if not... well... the world is wide and there are millions of women waiting for him.
_________________
It's really hard to be a Bond Girl!! 
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Bulbanna
Member
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Age: 35
Looking for: Serious Relationship
Country: Poland
State, City: Gdansk
Posts: 36
Status: Offline
Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 6:23 pm
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Oh, it's a really very difficult issue. First of, we should admit it openly: friendship between opposite sexes is a myth. It doesn't exist in reality - there's always bound to be some erotic tension between them (unless one is gay of course). Even if both of them are in relationship, there's going to be some unspeakable tension. Still, it doesn't mean you need to give up your opposite sex friends. Just people need to be aware of this fact. I am doubtful about such friendships because I have seen many relationships fail due to the fact that one party became too close with opposite sex friend. And we, women, tend to view emotional betrayal as worse than the sexual one. Many woment can't really stand the thought that their husband/boyfriend is confiding in another woman. That is far more devastating than sex.
I don't think anybody should give up their good friends, regardless of sex. You just need to discuss it openly with your beloved and assure him of your love and loyalty. Certainly, it's insecurity that drives people to view even innocent friendship as suspicious.
I have always been very independent and had a lot of friends, including opposite sex friends. I always trusted my exes, however I have been betrayed too - with a long time friend - so I am more careful now. I have this dislike for very close female friends, and definitely no big secret sharing. And it's nothing to do with insecurity - I learned my lesson the hard way.
_________________
Just call me Ola
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 mike00199
Board Guru
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Age: 54
Looking for: Romance
Country: United Kingdom
State, City: london
Posts: 639
Status: Online
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:45 pm
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Indeed.................a very tricky thing that..............................unfortunately one or the other will most likely want more!
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spectrumAU
Wizard of Oz
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Age: 62
Looking for: Serious Relationship
Country: Australia
State, City: New South Wales, Sydney
Posts: 1910
Status: Offline
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:48 pm
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Or one will find a partner who will be uncomfortable with friendship.
_________________
 ~Louise~
Laughter (n): A smile having an orgasm
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mike00199
Board Guru
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Age: 54
Looking for: Romance
Country: United Kingdom
State, City: london
Posts: 639
Status: Online
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:53 pm
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i dont believe really that men and women were made to have the kind of friendship that blokes have and women have with their own sex,it does happen,but think youve got to be a certain type of person.................
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lostincyberspace
Missing my mind the most!
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Age: 40
Looking for: Friendship
Country: Cambodia
State, City: Phnom Penh
Posts: 62
Status: Offline
Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:23 pm
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Friendships with members of the opposite sex have been an important part of my life since I went to high school in the late 1980s, and I hardly think I’m alone. Throughout different stages of my life, I have had numerous male friends who I considered to be close friends. For me, relationships with men, whether or not they involved sex, had to involve mental companionship, freedom of choice, equality and mutual respect.
Granted maintaining a platonic relationship is easier said than done, of course. You are wondering wouldn't the sexual urges get in the way. Maybe you’re not attracted to each other. Maybe you know it would never work out, so it’s not worth screwing up your friendship. Maybe that’s just not what it’s about.
To be completely honest and freak though, the whole staying friends with your ex sounds ideally nice, but realistically speaking unless it was a mutually agreed upon breakup due to not being romantically or physically attracted to one another (which hardly ever happens) It isn't going to work. I have tried many times to do so, but failed miserably because one or both still had underlying feelings of attraction to each other.
Now, as far as if the shoe was on the other foot meaning you are the GF or BF and your partner is friends with his/her ex. The issues arise simply from the ole human condition of I lovely proclaimed as '"Revenge of the Little Green Eyed Monster'". These feelings of inadequacy and insecurities arise even in the most secure of people. You just have to be able to vocalize your concerns and address it not run from it, because it could cause problems in your relationship. If the feelings are unfounded then all is good, but in most cases your gut instincts are usually correct. If it smells like fish and taste like fish, it prolly is fish!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________
Live life like you love...w/o fear!
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aloneindekalb
alone in dekalb
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Age: 54
Looking for: Friendship
Country: United States
State, City: dekalb,illinois
Posts: 154
Status: Offline
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:04 am
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friends are hard to come by and if it is opposite sex it matters not. we need all friends to keep ourselfs well rounded. if not for friends of both sexs we would become stale and die.
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life is lived best with friends. we grow with the friends that we meet.
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spectrumAU
Wizard of Oz
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Age: 62
Looking for: Serious Relationship
Country: Australia
State, City: New South Wales, Sydney
Posts: 1910
Status: Offline
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:36 am
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The topic is not about all friends but about a 'best' friend of the opposite sex. That is a different matter and I can understand a potential partner feeling uncomfortable about the level of that friendship. Particularly at first, maybe with time they would come to see it as just a friendship but could cause some anxious moments in the early days.
_________________
~Louise~
Laughter (n): A smile having an orgasm
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mike00199
Board Guru
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Age: 54
Looking for: Romance
Country: United Kingdom
State, City: london
Posts: 639
Status: Online
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:51 pm
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maybe its a generation thing as well,when i was a younger man,my ole man would have thought id lost the plot...................having a female ...........friend friend.if you get my drift!
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